Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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