my sisters under your porch take her home
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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