I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
...so i touched it.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
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