May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
