Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
