you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
