i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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