I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Randomize
