dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
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