So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
