I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
