I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Randomize
