that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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