How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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