I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
