You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
