Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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