3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
