We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
