I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Randomize
