did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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