I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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