He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
