I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
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