i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I'm getting married
To pizza
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
