if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical�
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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