i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
