hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
