At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
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