I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Green mimosas i think yes
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Randomize
