i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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