I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
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