yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
