Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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