Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Randomize
