After last night, I could never be a politician.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Randomize
