I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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