pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Randomize
