I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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