I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
