My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
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