Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Randomize
