i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
