i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Another day, another engagement, another cat
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Randomize
