I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
He passed out mid-signature
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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