We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
