I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
im about as happy as oj after his trial
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
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