When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
