Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
