umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
