You're completely useless in the revolution.
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
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